JAVIER BARDEM, GET YOUR SWEET ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW AND START BEING MY BOYFRIEND.

I had a dream last night.  And in  hat dream it was revealed to me that I must pursue Javier Bardem with my whole heart--nay--MY WHOLE SOUL.  Because he would be the perfect boyfriend, and he could act in all my plays, and give me beautiful Spanish children.

(In my dream he was also hung like a Lipizzaner Stallion on steroids.)


I started working on a play last night, and I am just going to have to make one of the characters Hispanic so that, after I'm done writing the most awesome play possible, I can try as hard as I can to bring it to peoples' attention, so that it can be performed in a place big enough to ask Javier Bardem to come be in it.



And then we'll meet and I'll be like "Oh, hi," and he'll be like, "Those words you wrote, Sarah.  After I first read your play, I could not sleep for ten days and ten nights.  They obsess me.  They consume me.  My heart beats to a new rhythm because of those words.  I am changed forever because of them.  And I said to myself, 'Javier, you must meet the extraordinary woman who wrote those beautiful, terrible, devastating words.  You must  ask her out for a coffee.'"


And I'll say, "coffee would be great,"

and then we'll get married.
THE END.